Monday, May 02, 2011

curtain wall poet dead occurrence (or, this site needs a more definitive personality)

There are three possibilities to achieve this that I can see. The first is what I originally envisioned the site as being, which is the dissemination of a highly developed, sparkling, singular and consistently rigorous point of view in the matter of my pet subjects. This obviously has not come to pass. The second is to find some niche or quirky subject matter that will capture some people's attention --bathroom stalls of Manhattan or obscure baseball players or high end Belgian furniture or bicycling culture--and burrow deep enough into it so that everything you write or post a picture of becomes informed and often made slightly more interesting than it was before by your consuming obsession. I might like this, but I have not been struck yet by the particular theme that I was born to run a blog about. The third possibility is to stop being earnest at all costs and try to cultivate a kind of mannered weirdness wherein coherence with regard to anything independent of the manner is of scant importance. This last is, while a slim one, probably the best hope I have at this point. There are others, such as to go the Samuel Beckett route and start writing in French or some other foreign language to cultivate a more streamlined style; but most of these are not really practicable at the moment either. I don't know what to believe is going on in the supposed Osama Bin Laden killing, but if the official story is true, I think he should have been brought back to the United States and placed on public trial. Yes, it would have been a circus, but so what? The American public needs to become better acquainted with its alleged enemies, besides that openness and the spectacles of justice and respect for law are supposed to be our core values, to which this whole saga right from the start has demonstrated either a lack of faith in or indifference, both of which strike me as bad. The new policy of openly (as opposed to covertly) targeting specific prominent international figures and killing them, accompanied by a high degree of public enthusiasm based on limited knowledge of the government's motivations strikes me as a dangerous mindset to be cultivating in the masses. I am not reassured when I encounter it.

I put up a few old pictures from college on my Facebook page, in commemoration of one of the rites of spring there. I had told myself when I first went on that I would never do that, that I would try to remain psychically in the present and facing forward there as much as possible, but in truth for the 99% of the population who are not visionary figures and the 80-85% who have not figured out the secrets of true adult satisfaction vis-a-vis the freedom and sensual possibilities of youth this mindset is probably nonsense, and does more harm to the associations and relationships which might give his life meaning, which sources of that meaning are almost entirely rooted in past memories. I certainly have some need to be alert to present life and cognizant of the future, but in general when I seek in my day to day existence for signs or indications of new associations and causes for optimism as regards my own prospects, as well as those of my children, I do not encounter much that excites a sense of possibility stronger than what I felt when I was in my 20s (hopefully the children are experiencing their own present lives differently) so why should I give up entirely the sense of self and life that I had when I was less resigned and dull until I do figure out the superior, or at least more realized, mode of being, that will allow me to leave the past more or less where it belongs, and live eternally in the moment, with the most vital parts of my psyche always pushing, slightly but ever firmly, into the future?

I am going to make this another short posting. I do have other things I would like to write about but they all require organization or elaboration or review which would take longer than the 15 minutes I have right now before I want to post this. Better pre-organization of the random observations and subjects I sometimes would like to touch upon, as well as the half-baked serials I undertake, would be a major step in improving the quality of the site. I just don't have a lot of time.

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